On a personal note . . .During my time at Trinity United Methodist Church in Gainesville, Florida, I had many discussions with the senior ministers about my personal vision for a non-traditional youth ministry. In the 25 years of my employment at Trinity, the ministers have included O. Dean Martin, Marsha Wiggins-Frame, James Crook and most recently, Dan Johnson.
Dan and I had many meetings and conversations since he arrived in 1994. In 2000, these discussions-- philosophical, theological, and practical-- became more pointed. The analogy I used was that of a big boat (the church) and a tug boat (the Sonlight program that I directed) moving in different directions. I was heading NNE and the big boat was moving NNW. This was creating tension. (It is a considerable credit to all ministers that Sonlight survived and thrived for 17 years while paddling hard in a rather unorthodox direction). In January 2001, I decided it was time for me to leave Trinity and Dan agreed. We announced it to the congregation. I felt it was not my place to pull the mother ship in the direction of my convictions, but I also could not violate my personal inner compass.
My calling, passion and core beliefs direct me and have for a long time now. Some look at our world and our times and choose to move in a more fundamentalist direction. I do not. I believe that the challenges and questions of our new century lead us either to open or close, to embrace or retreat, and it is my desire to meet the times with an open palm, open heart and open mind.
So what were the differences that led to this separation? I explain it this way: theologically, I choose to leave more mystery and loose ends and Dan prefers the clear directives he understands from the scripture and church doctrine. Specific issues of contention were on homosexuality, a genderless God and on Christianity in a pluralistic world.
We also differed on the objectives I have with the youth in the Sonlight program. I wanted to create a curiosity about "God and the spiritual" in the lives of the teenagers who primarily came to Sonlight to sing some rock n roll and have a good time. Through the music of their own pop artists, I hoped to help them identify the spiritual "soft spot" in themselves. My goal was to create life-long "seekers," not confirmed Methodists.
I wanted to give them a picture of God that they could place in their back pockets so that when they hit a life crisis or felt a spiritual yearning and found themselves thinking of God, they wouldn't see an old man or a Santa Clause (who was making a list and checking it twice), but instead, the face of Love. I believe God is quite capable of touching, wooing, and relating to us without manipulation or doctrinal inculcation. Needless to say, Trinity wanted a more direct presentation of Christian doctrine and of the invitation to become Christians.
My work has been with adolescents and this is how I see things: religion used to be a playing card in the hand of past generations. Even if impotent, it was there. Today's generation lays down its hand of cards and there is no religion card. It isn't even in the deck. They are post-modern children and religion is no more important than the Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts. I see my role as helping them realize that the mystery card they lay out on the table and name "peace of mind" or "meaning to life" is their spiritual card, that they too long for Spirit in their lives just as the first homo sapiens did when they built an altar to an unknown deity or Force behind life. Young people today are spiritual beings-- if not religious beings. Step one is realizing that-- and that is where I see my calling.
I worked at Trinity for 25 years and 17 years of those have been in the ministry called Sonlight. The decision to leave was not made in haste. It was contemplated for almost two years. I love the youth and I love what I do, but it did not seem right to keep fighting, to make it accepted. There will be new work for me to do-- perhaps here, perhaps somewhere else. I'm pretty sure God isn't done with me yet.
Rebecca Brown
